Another preventable death...this time its very personal

Most of the times when we talk about preventable deaths we tend to think of unfortunate individuals who do not have access to basic supplies like: clean drinking water, basic medical care and even something as simple as mosquito nets. Ask where do the highest numbers of preventable deaths occur and many people will start naming underdeveloped countries. Hardly anyone names the United States of America. It happens here also but this time it’s personal.
Saturday, Dec. 20- I attended the funeral of a life that ended too soon. A death that could have been prevented if the system would have did its job. The deceased is a beautiful 19 year old that was shot to death by someone she knew. In fact, she knew him quite well. He was her ex- boyfriend and father of their child. He was also known in the system. He had a record. Probation workers knew him also because they placed him in a program called deferred prosecution after his first assault on her.
This young man, just 20 years old had admitted to assaulting the young lady in the past. Sadly, the young man didn’t take advantage of the opportunity. He assaulted her again and was charged. He abused her on many occasions. This is called a pattern of violence. In fact, he was arrested numerous times for assaulting her. She complained to her parents and the authorities of his fits and angry outburst. Her parents did all they could to protect their daughter while the “system” took its time. Her parents warned the young man’s parents while the “system” ignored the signs that serious danger was brewing.
On Dec. 4 the young man shot her in the head. She died and leaves to mourn not only a 1 year old daughter but also many family and friends.
After the funeral was over I drove to the site of the Repast for the family. I began to become so angry and overwhelmed with grief that I could barely see straight. It’s upsetting that so many lives are being ended prematurely. Yes, death is a part of life. But when a death is preventable then it makes things even worse. It’s like a door that slams shut just as you are about to walk through it. Its like a song that is stopped in the middle of the chorus. The torture of unanswered questions plague the minds of those who are left to wonder-What could I have done to save this life? Did I do all I could do?

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/597/story/424018.html

This is personal for me because the father of the slain is my close friend. He and his wife are outstanding people who work hard and are constantly giving to others. He brought his family here from Liberia years ago. We both cried when he told me how he and his family survived the war in Liberia only to come and face another war.
Dear Reader this is another preventable death . . . the clock is ticking. We have to become angry enough to move into action. Whether its sending vaccines to children in far away lands or rallying against domestic violence we have to move into action. How many more people are going to die on our clock?
Please pray for this family with me . . .
Lord Jesus, help this family as they mourn, comfort them with the knowledge of your love which is stronger than death. Enable us to trust you for the future of my loved ones and myself. Help us all to cast all of our cares on you, knowing that the grave holds no power over those who trust in you. In Jesus Name-Amen

Who in the world cares?
Most of us are guilty of this often overlooked crime towards humanity. I first realized that I was guilty after a drive down Albemarle Road one hot, muggy day in June 2007. I was running late. The a/c system in my vehicle had just gone out. According to the announcer on the radio, the temperature had just reached 101◦. As sweat raced down my face, I pulled up to the stop light. My kids were complaining about the heat, and why we had just passed McDonalds and Pizza Hut. As I glanced over to my left, I noticed a frail old man with a cardboard sign in his hand. “Oh no”, I thought. Although, it was hot, my first impulse was to quickly roll up my windows. I put my hand on the window control, as he started to approach me. “I don’t have anything,” I began to yell, trying to discourage him from coming any closer. “Mommy, we have money,” my daughter argued. “Can he go to McDonalds with us?” she innocently asked. “I feel sorry for him,” she concluded. “Yeah, I do to,” I said, as I drove off.
As I arrived home I began to think about the old man. We quickly entered the comfortableness of our nice cool house. I wondered if the man was still holding the sign in the 101 degree heat. Then my mind shifted, I began to think about my daughters. What life lessons had I just taught them with my reactions to this man? We all have witnessed some form of hunger, homelessness, violence, and war, either in our personal lives or through the media. These images have affected our way of thinking in many ways. As a result, we sometimes feel sympathy for the person but, fewer times are we empathetic. Empathy beckons us to move, or change. Empathy allows us to feel so deeply towards a person or a situation that we must do something.
There is a difference between sympathy and empathy. The definition of empathy is a total feeling of concern and understanding for another’s situation or feelings. Empathy means to literally “put yourself into someone else’s shoes.” The definition of sympathy is the sharing the feelings of others (especially feelings of sorrow or anguish) There are many different situations that compel us to say, “I feel sorry for that person.” However, empathy compels us to take action. One may argue, that empathy has no place in this “Personal Success” driven world, (Rieke, Sillars p.117) However, we have to realize that our world is a society that relies on interrelatedness. Contrary to that opinion, we should in some form, or way be able to help someone else. Perhaps, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best:
“Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial “outside agitator” idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.”
(Martin Luther King Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail, April 16, 1963.)

The media has played detrimentally significant role in our empathy towards those in need. Its called -"DESENSITIZATION". Its when you are shown certain images over and over again that it desensitizes your emotions. Unfortunately, misfortune and violence has been aired out so much on television, that some of have become desensitized. We have become well acquainted and comfortable with seeing images of malnourished children staring at the lens, while flies swarm about their little mouths. On any given day, you can turn on the TV. and watch a homicide being reenacted. Some magazines focus more on the shade of lipstick than medicine for the poor. The change must begin within each individual.

Proverbs 31:8 8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. 9 Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

Well, thank God I made it through this weekend! This "gal" is tired! There may be times in my life that I complain and whine but this is not one of them. On Saturday I clocked out and rushed to the Assistant Living Center. (I was a few minutes late but that's understandable.)

Everyone was already singing, clapping and smiling. The young ones from our church were busy passing out gifts to the residents. They used part of their savings to buy fruit for the entire facility! The others at our church had donated other personal items which would come in handy for those who have no source of income.

To my surprise, one of the long time staff members was still there. I say to my surprise because this type of work is mentally demanding. The employee turn over rate is always high. So, when I saw Ivan, one of the Nurses I had to run and give him a hearty hug. To our dismay the facility had undergone many changes since our last visit. (which was just earlier in the year) The facility was now a home for those who are suffering from Alzheimers. Alzheimer’s disease is a brain disorder named for German physician Alois Alzheimer, who first described it in 1906. Scientists have learned a great deal about Alzheimer’s disease in the century since Dr. Alzheimer first drew attention to it. Alzheimer's disease tangles the brain's nerve cells and can cause memory loss, confusion, and disorientation.

So, it really touched my heart to see the kids bravely approaching the residents and interacting with them. What I learned from this experience is that we have the power to instill fear, hate, remorse or love into children. (Not to say that they are always perfect little angels who obey every rule and guideline)....but I think we are headed in the right direction. I've often heard it said that many American children are disrespectful and spiriling down the wrong path . . .wish some of the naysayers could've witnessed this group.

"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see." ~John W. Whitehead

Is there a such thing as doing nothing?

Is there a such thing as doing nothing? I don't think so because even when you are sitting idle your body is still in motion. (trying to maintain homeostasis.Human homeostasis refers to the body's ability to regulate its internal physiology to maintain stability in response to fluctuations in the outside environment.) "I didn't do nothing today!" I didn't leave my condo at all today. Matter of fact, the sun is setting in Charlotte and I am still in my pajamas. No, I'm not sick or anything like that I am just having some "me time". I didn't have any classes today so I decided to stay in to give myself and the place I call home some extra attention. All of my friends have called me in disbelief. "You mean YOU are still at home, are you sick or something?" they asked. I agreed with them that this was very unlike me but I assured them that all was well...and it is.
I guess it's a good thing that I am relaxing because I have a full schedule this weekend. I have to work 15 hour shifts the whole weekend. After work on Saturday I will rush off to do some volunteer work at a Nursing Home/Assisted Living facility here in the city. On Sunday, I have normal services which I will have to play for. When I get off work Monday morning-back to school.
I have quite a few friends that live abroad and are unfamiliar with the functions of a Nursing or Assisted Living facility. So for those who don't know, I will explain what I am talking about. (Nursing homes provide around-the-clock skilled nursing care for the frail elderly who require a high level of medical care and assistance. Twenty-four hour-a-day skilled nursing services are available from medical staff/ Assisted Living facilities are for those who are more independent but still require 24hr medical staff) My parents and some of the youth from our church will be there also.
It's a priveledge and honor to be able to do this type of work. Many of the residents who live there have outlived their family. Then there are some who have family but their family have just forgotten about them. Many of them sit in their chairs from the morning until bedtime without outside interaction. Their medical conditions range from severe to moderate. For example, Mrs. Sally may be able to dress herself but she can't remember to take her medications that keep her blood pressure at a normal level or even go to the bathroom. Each individual varies.
On my last visit I met a woman who I will call Grace. Grace was a retired Registered Nurse. She proudly told me about her days as a Nurse. Her face glowed when she talked about her favorite past time. "Oh, honey I used to love to cook!" She asked me if I knew how to cook with a pressure cooker. "No Mam, " I replied. "Well, you need to learn how to do that, " she said in a loving motherly like voice. "I will," I said. Months later I bought a pressure cooker. Grace revealed to me that she had been married for over fifty five years. She had only one son who was a lawyer in another state. She didn't remember the state. "Have you seen my boy?" she asked me. I didn't know how to answer her. "No, Mam," was all I could say. But I knew I had to change the direction of our conversation. We both were silent for about five minutes. I grabbed her soft hand and asked, "So... tell me again, how do you use a pressure cooker?" was all I could come up with.
On my way home I can remember the anger I felt inside of me. I was mad. Damn mad, in fact. "How come her son doesn't visit her?" I asked myself. She was so nice. It didn't seem like she should even be there. Couldn't he allow her to live with him? "How could he live with himself?"
Then I remembered something my own Mother had told me. "Ki, don't worry about what everyone else isn't doing, just worry about what you should be doing." She was right! Doesn't it seem like Mothers' are always right? (someone please tell my teenager that...lol) Even if we are ignoring those in need-that is an act. The act of doing nothing.

Dear Reader, here I am in front of the computer typing in my pajamas. Healthy. Blessed. Thankful. and feeling very lazy for the moment. I need this time. We all need times like these to exhale. You have permission to take time out for yourself and even if it means doing nothing all day. But, is this really doing nothing? I may have not helped you, but I have helped myself today.
Sarah Palin said in a interview with Fox News' Greta Van Susteren Monday evening, she referred to bloggers as "kids in pajamas sitting in the basement of their parents' homes" spewing out mean and inaccurate things about her.
My response?

(lol) Don't worry, Governor I may be in my pajamas but I promise not to say anything mean or inaccurate about you!
"Vexation of spirit is a waste of timeNegative thinking, don't you waste your thoughtsVerbal conflict is a waste of wordPhysical conflict is a waste of fleshPeople will always be who they wantAnd that's what really makes the world go round'-Damian Marley

Is prevention better than cure?

"Kishia, prevention is better than cure," is what my close friend would say to me anytime she felt I was doing something wrong. The confused expression on my face compelled her to explain .( I had never heard that one before) "It simply means that its better to prevent an accident or illness than to search for a cure," she said. "My mother used to tell us this as children, " she laughed. Makes sense to me, I thought. Little did the two of us know that her mother was on to something even back then.
As my classes get harder, and I get closer to my degree, my desire to pursue a career that will allow me to work towards humanitarian efforts are constantly brewing within me. I've been working with a few organizations here in the city for a while now. Prayerfully, in 2009 I will officially launch my own NPO which will focus on: child poverty. Which brings my reason for writing. As I continue to narrow down the details of the mission statement I am faced with the decision of selecting which direction to focus on: Prevention or Cure?
Worldwide,
2.2 million children die each year because they are not immunized
15 million children orphaned due to HIV/AIDS (similar to the total children population in Germany or United Kingdom)
Shelter, safe water and health
For the 1.9 billion children from the developing world, there are:
640 million without adequate shelter (1 in 3)
400 million with no access to safe water (1 in 5)
270 million with no access to health services (1 in 7)
Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.
Is prevention better than cure? Should we focus preventable diseases? Or should we concentrate our efforts towards finding ways to educate people?
The poorest of the poor, around the world, have the worst health. Those at the bottom of the distribution of global and national wealth, those marginalized and excluded within countries, and countries themselves disadvantaged by historical exploitation and persistent inequity in global institutions of power and policy-making present an urgent moral and practical focus for action.
But what action? Prevention or Cure?

"Give me a fish and I'll eat for a day, teach me to fish and I'll eat for a lifetime."
--Chinese Proverb

40 acres and a mule? Keep it!

Reconstruction began before the American Civil War ended. A few weeks after Union General William T. Sherman concluded his march to the sea in Savannah, he met with twenty black men, including the Reverend Garrison Frazier, to discuss how to deal with tens of thousands of freed blacks who had left inland plantations and followed Sherman's forces to the coast. Frazier was asked, "What should we do with all these refugees?" He replied that the "best way we can take care of ourselves is to have land." Sherman responded with Special Field Order 15 to deliver "forty acres and a mule" to each freed slave.

That was over 100 hundred years ago. Today many African Americans have wondered what ever became of the “40 acres and a mule Promise” to our ancestors. With the assassination of Lincoln at the end of the war, Andrew Johnson, ordered the confiscated lands returned to their former owners. According to many historians, African Americans had to go back to work and be landless . . . and rightless . . . plantation laborers.

Now fast-forward to November 4, 2008. As many African Americans watched and listened to the latest poll results, our hearts raced with anticipation. We wondered if it were all possible for what we were seeing and hearing to be really true. Yes, we had followed the campaign with all of its turbulent flights. We watched the accusations fly. We watched and listened to the insults and yet we still wondered…is this a dream or reality? Could the 44th President of the United States be a black man?

Trust me this is not about just color. Its about acceptance. Its about being part of the United States of America. Finally, this marks our acceptance. After the Civil War, millions of formerly enslaved African Americans hoped to join the larger society as full and equal citizens. Although some white Americans welcomed them, others used people’s ignorance, racism, and self-interest to sustain and spread racial divisions. By 1900, new laws and old customs in the North and the South had created a segregated society that condemned Americans of color to second-class citizenship.

The world marveled at this achievement. Many people rejoiced with laughter. Some even did the “happy dance” for hours into the morning. Then there were those of us who could only shed tears. I am one of them. Although, I have never experienced being watered down with a fire hose, or participated in any “sit ins”. Honestly, I have only read about Black Codes and Jim Crowe. As a child, I can recall the fear that would overtake my body as I listened to the elders in my family reminiscence about the many times they witnessed the Klu Klux Klan march. Its very astonishing that my family is only four generations away from slavery. So, as the broadcasters announced the new President Elect my mind went back to the “40acres and a mule promise.” “You know what? I thought…they can keep the 40acres and a mule…we just took 50 states and the Whitehouse!

...because I'm here

Tuesday, September 16, 2008
because I’m here Current mood: chipper Category: taking a quick break from my studies! Goals, Plans, Hopes
With school back in full swing, kids, work, home, church, and million other things that require my attention I often feel overwhelmed. I admit my plate is full. If you know me, then you know "I am hard to get and easy to miss", as my bestie would say.
The weekends are even worse for me because while others are relaxing and "sleeping in" on Saturday mornings- I am just comg in from a 12hr shift and rushing off to do a rehearsal. But, you know what ? This is not a complaint. Matter of fact, I'm going to give myself two kudos & a hot cup green tea for being this strong and determined to accomplish my goals. Besides, there are many people who would love to be able to do half of the things that we all do on a daily basis. (believe me, I know. I work for them) So, before you complain about being overworked and underpaid. Think about the great opportunity that God has given you. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift...that's why we call it the present. Be encouraged! Take some "me time" and keep it moving!




alright yall know I love good proverbs...so here's another one!!
Because I'm Here
An old monk was sweeping the yard in a monastery under the scorching sun.
Another monk passed by and asked him, "How old are you?"
The old monk replied, "I'm seventy-seven."
"You are so old! Why are you still working so hard here?"
"Well, because I'm here."
"But why are you working under the scorching sun?"
"Because the sun is there."
[Act without worrying about the results, and strive for excellence without dwelling on it.